Scientific American Science and Technology Awards 2004
jokesandscience
 Scientific American Likes Our Site
Jokes and Science
• Astronomy
• Darwin & Evolution
• Chemistry & Periodic Table
• Dolly & Cloning
• Computer & Internet
• Dinosaur & Paleontology
• Volcano & Earth Sciences
• Psychology and Sigmund Freud
 		• Albert Einstein
• Kids Science Quotes
• Math & Archimedes
• Medicine
• Physics & Newton
• Tornadoes & Hurricanes
• New Jokes
• Miscellany

Scientists and Inventors
Top Site
Science Jokes Home Science Fair Projects Scientists & Inventors Science Experiments Science Resources Science Trivia Science Fair Books
 
 

New Science Jokes




 
Web www.juliantrubin.com


From: Nick James, nickdavjames@msn.com
Let’s Speak Chemistry!

  • "I think your website is beryllium!" (read as brilliant)

  • "That's a pro-phosphorous idea!" (read as preposterous)

  • "I can't be arsenic-ed!" (read as arsed)

  • "This is so boron!" (read as boring)

  • "Pick it up off the fluor-ine!" (read as floor)

  • "Lith-ium alone!" (read as leave him)

  • "This is a-bismuth!" (read as abysmal)

  • "I've got a bad gold" (read as cold)

  • "Is she Indium?" (read as Indian)

  • "Did he have a car-bon?" (read as car bomb)

  • "Pass the lattice" (read as lettuce)

  • "Would you like a polo-nium t?" (read as polo mint)

  • "Can you iron my shirt please?" (read as iron)

  • "I can't bar-ium" (read as bare him)

  • "Can they cur-ium?" (read as cure him)

  • "Caes-ium!" (read as caese him)

  • "That was so-dium good" (read as so damn)

  • “How many have we done sul-phur?” (read as so far)

  • "Keep your i-on the ball" (read as eye on)

  • "A friend of mine pierced his tung-sten" (read as tongue)

  • "A-cid that one" (read as I said)

  • "A-mine the other one" (read as I mean)

  • "You're too easily lead" (read as lead)


  • Julian: "My trousers keep falling down!"

  • Nick: "This man-ga-nese a belt!" (read as man needs)


  • Nick: "We need to get so many things for our cat"

  • Julian: "I don't think we'll be able to remember them all"

  • Nick: "Well then we will have to make the cat-a-lyst!"


  • ”I zinc we are done because all the other jokes ar-gon!”


    •


    From: Ashlyn Dillard, adillard_95@yahoo.com
    This is how I remeber X and Y axses:
    X goes to the sky and Y tries to Fly!!!

    From: Dancesoccer94@aol.com
    By Ashley from my Math Class.....
    "Your acute angle"

    From: Reshef Meir, reshef24@yahoo.com
    The emperor's horse is about to participate in the international race in three months. The emperor summons his best nutritionist, best trainer, and best mathematician, and orders them to prepare the horse for the race. A week before the race, the emperor demands a report on their progress.
    The nutritionist says, "I have fed it the most excellent mixture of herbs and cereals, it will give it speed and courage."
    The trainer says, "I trained it to skip any obstacle, and take turns without slowing down."
    The mathematician says, "I solved the case of a 2-dimensional horse."


    From: Lisa Wright, Des Moines, Iowa
    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Hurricane.
    Hurricane who?
    Hurry! Cane you run away from the storm?

    Why did the man use ketchup in the rain?
    Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.

    From: Abhisht Gupta, gcool001@hotmail.com
    In math you don't understand things, you just get used to them!

    From: Andy Ladickn, andy@ladick.com
    What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mouse?
    Elephant x Mouse Sine Theta

    From: Pilch Ardo, pilchardo@gmail.com
    The Grand old Duke of York,
    He had ten thousand men,
    He marched them up to the top of hill,
    And he marched them down again.
    When they were up they were up,
    When they were down they were down.
    When they were only half way up,
    They were simultaneously up and down,
    They were merely obeying the laws of quantum mechanics.



    New Science Jokes
    Top Site

    From: Reagan Holmes, http://www.reaganator.com
    "Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it."

    – Robert A. Heinlein

    From: Udi Rubin, Dimona, Israel; udi.rubin@gmail.com
    Q: What is one byte?
    A: Eight beets.

    From: Adam Blais, the_toast_boy@hotmail.com
    True story:
    A student walked into his discreet math class late and in order not to interrupt he put his late slip on the teacher's desk furtively without the teacher noticing. The teacher noticed the slip on his desk afterwards. He commented "I see you put this slip on my desk without me noticing. I guess that's why they call this class discrete mathematics."


    From: Joyce S. Blackwell, Fayetteville, NC; jblackwell11@nc.rr.com
    1st Retiree: "Well, they finally arrested Hurricane Frances."
    2nd Retiree: "What for?"
    1st Retiree: "Littering."

    From: Richard Kinney, rjkinney@telis.org
    In class when students say to me, "Are you Serious?"
    My reply is: "Yes...like the brightest star in the night-time sky, I am Sirius!"

    From: Revabeth Russell, russ735@alpine.k12.ut.us
    A mushroom walked into a bar. The bar tender said, "Get out of here! We don't serve your kind."
    "Hey, what's the problem?"
    "Just get out of here. We don't serve mushrooms."
    The mushroom in anguish says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."

    From: Habatamu Fantahun, habfantahun@yahoo.com
    Q: Can you guess the name of a first year natural science college student who scored one "C" and 4 "F"s in five courses?

    A: Carbon Tetrafluoride.

    From: Dr. Thomas G. Cleaver, University of Louisville, tom.cleaver@louisville.edu
    A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
    "Aha", says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
    "Hmm", says the physician, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black".
    "No", says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!"


    My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.


    Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.


    The great logician Betrand Russell once claimed that he could prove anything if given that 1 + 1 = 1.
    So one day, some smartypants asked him, "Ok. Prove that you're the Pope."
    He thought for a while and proclaimed, "I am one. The Pope is one. Therefore, the Pope and I are one."


    Q : Did you hear about the murderous mathematician?
    A : He went on a killing spree with a pair of axis!

    From: David Archibald
    Teacher: What is the formula for water?
    Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
    Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
    Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

    From: Pierre Conley, ConleyJP@navair.navy.mil
    Here's one about Heisenberg: You've perhaps seen or heard of old inns that have plaques on the wall of a room saying, for example: "George Washington slept here." Well,

    There's apparently an inn in Germany with their own plaque. It says: "Heisenberg may have slept here."

    From: Jim Murphy, tenermtn@hotmail.com
    A frontiersman went into an Indian village to purchase a wife.
    The chief showed him three young women. The first was seated on a deer skin and could be purchased for the sum of five ponies. The second was seated on a buffalo skin and could also be purchased for five ponies. The third young woman was seated on a hippopotamus skin and could be purchased for ten ponies.
    "Why does this one cost so much more?" asked the man.
    "You know," replied chief Pythagoras, "the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides."

    From: Manny Van Pelt, mvanpelt@nsf.gov
    There are three types of mathematicians: those who can add and those who can't.

    From: Tim Peters, tpeters@ppg.com
    There are 10 kinds of people in the world..... Those who understand Binary, and those who don't.

    From: Dan Conrad
    π Limerick

    If within a circle is a line
    that goes through the center to each spine
    and the line's length is D
    the circumference will be
    D times 3.14159


    Site Map ♣ About Us

    Contributions and comments could be sent to:
    jokes@julianTrubin.com


    Last updated: September 2007
    Copyright © 2003-2007 Julian Rubin