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Jesus and the Apostles Jokes

  Joseph throws the football to Mary. Mary said to Joseph "why you throw the football to me?" and Joseph said to Mary "I called a Hail Mary pass".

Q: How do we know that cars are in the New Testament?
A: Because Jesus was a car painter!

Q: How do we know that Jesus raised cattle?
A: Because he had a pair 'o' bulls (Parables).

Q: How do we know that Jesus raised vegetables?
A: Because he said. "Peas be upon you." (Peace be upon you).

Q: How do we know that Jesus used fertilizer?
A: Because he said, "Lettuce spray." (Let us pray).

Q: How do we know that Jesus made coffee?
A: It says so in the book of He Brews. (Hebrews).

Q: How do you study the Bible?
A: You Luke into it.

Q. How do we know that the disciples were very cruel to the corn?
A. Because they pulled its ears.

Little Bobby: Mom, why was nothing said about the other persons that Jesus raised from the dead together with Lazarus?
Mom: Oh dear, now were did you learn that there were other persons? It was only Lazarus.
Little Bobby: But mom, every time I read that verse I cannot help but assume that there were at least four persons.
Mom: Now why would you assume something like that?
Little Bobby: 'Cause Lazarus came fourth (forth)!

Terri asked her Sunday school class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.
"I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said.
"But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.

Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
A: By his net income.

Q: What's the first sign of football in the Bible?
A: Jesus going for the cross.

Q: Why were Peter, Andrew James and John the best letter writers?
A: Because as fishermen they learned to drop a line.

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Last updated: June 2013
Copyright 2003-2013 Julian Rubin